The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work - John M. Gottman, Ph.D.

Summary from B&N: John Gottman has revolutionized the study of marriage by using rigorous scientific procedures to observe the habits of married couples in unprecedented detail over many years. Here is the culmination of his life's work: the seven principles that guide couples on the path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. Packed with practical questionnaires and exercises, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential.


I don't think I got the full benefit of this book as it was a library book. So I didn't have time to do all of the exercises and activities, much less present them and do them with the husband person. However, in reading the regular text and scanning the exercises/activities, I think that Dr. Gottman's book offers a lot of practicality to healing and improving a marriage.

The only offputting part of the book was that the author comes off as a bit of a "know-it-all." However, as the "Country's Foremost Relationship Expert" perhaps he has a right to be. :)
Definitely worth checking out. I will be purchasing a copy of my own.

Fight Less, Love More - Laurie Puhn, JD

Synopsis from Borders.com: Harvard-trained lawyer and family and divorce mediator Puhn shows busy couples how to stop fighting and start communicating. She gives simple, five-minute conversations that will instantly improve communication--as well as the quality of relationships.


I’ll be honest. I didn’t read this entire book. I only got to chapter 11. Perhaps I’m burnt out on marriage and relationship books. Perhaps the one five-minute conversation I did try wasn’t well received.

I had hoped for a bit more practical application from the book. It does seem that Ms. Puhn knows what she’s talking about and sites many examples from couples she has mediated or counseled with. But personally I didn’t have many light bulb moments. So I will return it to the library to be revisited another day. After all, summer break is almost over. I need to be reading fun stuff!!!

Then Comes Marriage - Angela Hunt & Bill Myers

Bill Meyers and Angela Hunt team up on this novella exploring the true first years of marriage as two individuals are trying to mesh their lives together to produce something beautiful.


The Stones are celebrating their first anniversary. But it’s not much of a celebration as they have had a huge fight and gone their separate ways for the day. The story moves between highlights (and low points) of the past year and current day as they each try to decide where to go from here.

I enjoyed this book if simply to have affirmation that the rocky first years of marriage isn’t just me or my fault or my marriage. It’s normal and common as two individuals strive to become one. And that of course mine is exacerbated by two step-kids, and ex-wife, etc. As I read about Heather and Kurt Stone, I totally got where they were coming from (Heather more than Kurt, of course) as far as the struggles and changes and compromises they had made in that first year just to get through it and then to wonder occasionally if it was all worth it and will it ever get better. Their love for each other was there all along. But sometimes things can be bigger than that love. That’s when you need to remember the commitment…and walk it out.

Take-away Quote: When Heather’s dad is giving her advice in under the veil of what a car needs and she sums it up by saying: “And if a person makes a promise, he or she should work at keeping that promise every single day.”

Pursuing the Pearl - Dannah Gresh

In Pursuing the Pearl, Dannah Gresh addresses how to build the marriage that God has planned for you – a marriage that is a reflection of the relationship between Jesus and the Church as His bride. She touches on purity that is not just sexual but also purity of mind and heart in many areas. She writes about the “fake pearls” that Satan puts before us to distract us from the true pearl that God has in store.


I really thought there was a lot of good and truth in this book. So much so that I want to own it (this copy was from the library) so I can take the time and do the exercises she has at the end of each chapter.

Definitely worth a read whether your marriage is great or if it’s struggling.

Love Must Be Tough - Dr. James Dobson

Dr. Dobson’s best seller from 1983 republished in 1996.


I read this book upon a recommendation and with the understanding that the “marriage crisis” Dr. Dobson focuses on primarily is adultery but that the “tough love” principles outlines can apply to really any situation. And after reading it I find that to be very valid.

Successful marriages are not about lovey, dovey gooey feelings (I’ve always known that). It comes down to respect and knowing your boundaries. And I’ll be honest – while I have known my boundaries I have not enforced them. They have been trampled all over on a regular basis. So this was a good wake up call to me that if things are going to change I need to change and be “tough” in my love.

Dr. Dobson does not in any way recommend divorce but does stress the value of a separation so the other person can think on and decide what they truly want.

Also, as I was reading I realized that affairs aren’t just with another man or woman. We as humans have love affairs with all sorts of things that can tear down our marriages – work, children, video games, etc. The affair takes place when we get our priorities out of balance and it is no longer God, spouse, etc.

The book also talks about “tough love” in other relationships and in good marriages as well. I’m sure it will be one I revisit from time to time.

Quote to Take Away: Forgiveness is surrendering my right to hurt you for hurting me. ~Archibald Hart

The Language of Love & Respect - Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

In this sequel to Love and Respect, Dr. Eggerichs breaks down how love and respect are reflected and seen through our communication with one or another.


My aunt gave us the original book as a wedding present. We both read it. And as long as I keep it visually in front of me, I remember that respect is a deep need for Jeff (and all men) and am better at meeting that. Out of sight…usually out of mind within a few weeks. Yet I was still excited to dig into this second book that has more practical application for how I communicate…and receive communication.

Also, before you single folks check out, I think that it’s a good book to read even if you’re single. Yes, the target audience is married people. However, all men – married or not – have an innate need to feel respected and all women – married or not – have an innate need to feel loved. So in all communication, if you speak towards those needs, you’re going to be more successful.

Although, I do have to say I’m either incredibly delusional or I’m an exception to this love/respect rule. I would much rather know that I’m respected than feel like I am loved.

However, the communication keys in the book are still applicable, and I’m going to keep working on it until I get it right.